Funeral Thank-You Notes
Acknowledging expressions of sympathy at and
after the funeral
As you greet guests at the funeral or memorial service, you will
have opportunities to thank many of them for joining you and paying
their respects. If you are unable to thank some guests that day,
you may tell them later - either verbally or in writing - that you
appreciated their attending your loved one's service. Click
here to view sample wording for funeral and sympathy thank-you
notes from The Emily Post
Institute®.
Sending funeral thank-you notes after the
service
Is it necessary to write a thank-you note to each person who
attends the funeral or memorial service? The answer is no, although
you may if you wish. Writing a note to each and every attendee is
optional, often unrealistic in the case of a heavily-attended
service. But if you write to thank someone for another way in which
they have comforted or helped you (please see below), do add your
appreciation that they attended the service.
Sending a thank-you note after a funeral or memorial service is
a way to express appreciation to the professionals, relatives and
friends who helped you with the service.
To whom do I send a thank-you note after the
service?
- The relative or friend who served as director of the
service
- The clergy
or spiritual counselor, and any musicians who performed at the
service
- Those who sent flowers to be included in the service
- The pallbearers, honorary pallbearers, those who
offered a eulogy
- Friends and
family who helped by serving as hosts during and after the service
- Friends and family who helped by bringing food, babysitting or
driving
Thank-you notes for acts of kindness - in
addition to attending the funeral
It is customary for the bereaved - or someone on his behalf - to
write handwritten thank-you notes in acknowledgment of: personal sympathy notes, flowers, Mass
cards, gifts of food and help
with daily activities. (Note that it's personal condolence notes -
not pre-printed cards - that are acknowledged.) Thank-you notes are
also written to those who send charitable donations on behalf of the
deceased. An exception to the custom of writing thank-yous for the
above kind acts is when the friend or relative requests that the
note or gift not be
acknowledged - a considerate thing to do when the recipient
receives a great number of condolences
A thank-you note is unnecessary (optional) in acknowledgment of:
preprinted sympathy cards, emailed notes of thanks, expressions of
sympathy posted on online sites, visits to see the family and
attendance at the funeral or memorial service. Of course, a written
thank-you is always appreciated, even when it's optional.
It is preferable to write and send your personal notes of thanks
as soon as possible, but there really is no definitive timeframe
for doing so.
If you're unsure of what to write, the best advice is to keep it
simple. You may write your note on either a pre-printed thank-you
card or your own stationery. Single-sheet, fold-over notes or
correspondence cards are all fine. A loose guideline is to send a
thank-you note within two months after a funeral - but there really
is no set time limit for sending your notes.
You can divide up the task of writing thank-you notes among
family members. Or you can ask a close friend to help write and
mail the notes. For instance, the thank-you note might read: "My sister, Karen, asks me to thank you
for your beautiful flowers and kind message of
sympathy."
If you order pre-printed thank-you cards for the family from a
funeral home, they might read: "The
Peters family would like to thank you for your kind expression of
sympathy on our recent loss of Carol Peters." With
pre-printed cards, it is preferable to also include your short,
handwritten thank-you inside, but that is by no means a must.
CLICK HERE TO VIEW SAMPLE WORDING FOR
FUNERAL AND SYMPATHY THANK-YOU NOTES FROM THE EMILY POST
INSTITUTE®
